Terms of EnJOYment

As the end of my first week in the InsightLA class, Deepening Joy, draws near, I find myself scrambling to put my thoughts together reflecting on the theme of setting a joyful intention.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tassiesim/3775904003/

Based on the book, Awakening Joy, by James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander, this first assignment is to reflect on what the word "joy" means to me, the images that come to mind, and how I most naturally express or experience it.

Mom, Joy, and Kay

My first reaction to the word "joy" is actually a sorrowful one.  Joy was the name of my mom's older sister, who died when she was in her late 30's or early 40's.  I feel sad that I never had the chance to know her.  But when I picture the moment when my grandmother first held her baby daughter in her arms, and said the name, "Joy", I can't help but feel a warmth and purity of love that my grandmother always radiated, only this in this moment, it is stronger and more intense, enveloping all I can see, hear, and feel.  It makes me happy to picture my grandmother in this moment.

Noah

Another image of the word joy is the feeling I used to have when lying in bed, on my back, with my big, heavy, cream-colored cat perched on my chest, purring away, vibrating my ribcage and filling my heart with warmth and peacefulness.  The weight--instead of being stifling--is soothing, as if saying, "There is absolutely no need to get up for anything.  Stay here, rest, and relax.  Everything you need is right here in this moment."

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tarnie/448744655/sizes/z/in/photostream/

How do I express joy?  I guess in a quiet way, with a gentle smile.  I haven't danced around the room in ages, and that was mostly when I wanted to get something out, not when I was happy.  The same goes for writing, and most of my other creative ventures.  Usually I create when I want to get something off my chest, not because I feel joyful.  The act of creating something usually brings about a change in my emotional state, from chaotic to calm.  A catharsis....  Maybe this is why I haven't done anything creative in so long--nothing to get off my chest.  That can't be true, can it?

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/formalfallacy/3984329521/sizes/m/in/photostream/

I am supposed to say, "I want to be happy," and see what happens.  I feel like I already am pretty happy, like joy is already part of my daily experience, but am I really hiding unhappiness away?  Is there something I am burying inside?


Surely, I will find much more in the coming weeks' investigations.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/alicepopkorn/3947814511/sizes/z/in/photostream/

I end with stating my intention: I intend to be positive and encouraging, with both myself and others.  I see everything as an opportunity for joy, peace, and happiness.

Happy Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta Day!

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/susan_hellein/4564509075/

According to an email I got from Thubten Dhargye Ling, July 15th is one of the days traditionally recognized as being the day of the Buddha's first teaching after becoming enlightened.  There is a clear and understandable version of that story about the Middle Way and Four Noble Truths here.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/233228813/

Reading this, I realized it was a good time to check in and find the areas of my life that are balanced or unbalanced.  Usually, I do not encounter any trouble erring on the ascetic side.  No, the difficulty (probably with many in America as well) is erring on the hedonistic side.  Giving in to our wants, desires, and cravings, just because we can.


One of the things I've decided I need to come back to center on is input vs. output in my life.  I find myself endlessly looking at things on the computer, but then do not give myself the space to process the information or let this percolate into my own ideas that lead me to produce something that is purely my own.  It has been a while since I knitted or made something, aside from dinner every night.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/zebrapares/4529836138/

I find the endless hamster wheel of blogs and websites to be tiring and draining, instead of uplifting and inspirational, because my mind spins in convoluted circles even after the physical run on the wheel is over, and I don't get the rest I need.


So, back I go, into my meditation, my restfulness, to let the ideas calm, to make room for the best ones, hopefully, to rise to the surface.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamesjordan/3022290830/

So, what about you?  What parts of your life do you feel are off-kilter?  What can you do to bring it back into balance so that you can be a more rested, happier you?  I'd love to hear from you!

Multitasking or One Thing at a Time?

 Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeremybrooks/4328834917/


Are you a multitasker?  I know, I know, who isn't nowadays?  I see people in the supermarket trying to pay for groceries, have a cell phone conversation, and control their kids, all at the same time.  I know my students are taking 5-6 hours to do their homework every night because they are also trying to text friends, watch TV, or listen to music.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carbonnyc/2591454436/


But, being familiar only with how my own mind works, and that only sometimes, I can tell that when I am forced to do more than one thing at once, the things don't get done well.  Or as well as I would like them to.  It is much more satisfying to the perfectionist in me to have the luxury of focusing on one task at a time, for a nice, uninterrupted stretch, until I either finish or get tired enough to need a break from it.


I have known this since my meditation studies at UCSB, but this nice, clear video from cognitive scientist Daniel Willingham explains why we can't do two things simultaneously as well as we can do one.

















What is your style--doing several things at once, or one thing at a time?  How do you think this is working for you?

Simplicity & the Art of Focusing

Okay, I'll say it--I think I have finally fallen out of love with Wonderland.  This muddled up mess that is my mind, yanking me this way and that, until I have no sense of direction or point or purpose, really gets in the way.
Picture Credit: Elena Kalis

In the way of what?  In the way of simplicity.  In the way of feeling the pleasure of focusing on one thing at a time.  Is it just me and the way my brain works, or is this a societal problem?  I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one affected.  Or infected, may be a better word for it.  

Twitter this, FB that, inbox stuffed with 125 new emails (and they're not even spam!).  I can't fall asleep at night, lying in bed exhausted, but still feeling the weight of the emails I didn't return, papers I didn't grade, lessons I didn't plan.  

Sometimes, I feel like I am falling, literally falling through space, while I am lying in my bed.  Did you know, there's even a condition called Alice in Wonderland Syndrome for people who get disoriented?
Source for all remaining pictures: layoutsparks.com

I find myself whining that there's never enough time to get everything done, feeling as if I'm being pulled in all four directions at once, but really, what are the things I have to do?




Obviously, if I'm to survive with any semblance of sanity left intact, I have to answer my three percolating questions, "What can I let go of in my life?"  "Where have I changed my interests or priorities?"and "What no longer works for me?"

These answers--let go of as much as possible, choose one priority at a time, and don't overcomplicate things, are what I come back to every time.  >Sigh< I give myself very good advice, but when--oh when--will I ever learn to follow it?


Click here to watch the classic Yooouuutuuube Alice video!  Got to go full screen with it.  Guaranteed to drive you nuts, but in a totally good way!!!

The ADD's of Creativity

How do you use your creative energy?  Are you a poet, painter, potter, or just perplexed by the thought of making something?

Throughout my life, I have dabbled in many different venues of self-expression, seemingly as an act of survival by creativity.  Swinging from vine to vine, I have grasped on to one lifeline after another in the jungle of arts and crafts.  If I try to tell this story in order, it goes something like this:

Music - I started taking guitar classes when I was in the 3rd grade.  (Never did break that resting pinky habit!)

I also played cello in junior high, something that I sometimes think of resuming, but when?

I haven't done much with it lately, but it's nice to know my guitar playing inspired my nephew to pick it up later on when he was old enough to hold a guitar.  He now has a room full of guitars and music equipment--quite the little rocker!

My niece was also curious about the object as a baby, but has since found other creative interests to hold her attention such as beading, handcrafts, etc.

I went so far as to dabble with a 4-track recorder, electric guitar, and midi keyboard after being inspired by Beck and other 90's indie music artists, but it has since fallen by the wayside...

Next up on my creative journey was probably poetry.  I think it all started with the Hallowe'en poetry contest in 6th grade.  After winning that with the likes of this:

How can you blame me, I figured I must have a talent for writing poetry.  Whew, gives me the shivers and not in a good way!

I even went so far as to take a creative writing class when I was on Study Abroad in Stratford-on-Avon.  I mean, what better place to write poetry than the possible birthplace and town of Shakespeare himself!

That creative outlet comes and goes.  Every once in a while, a poem still sneaks up on me...


Drawing was another way to indulge my fantasy world.  I remember taking a class at the Olive Rec Center (when I wasn't in gymnastics or basket weaving) and learning that I could draw things from real life as well as from my imagination.  I still have my drawing notebook from high school art class, and pick up the pencil now and again.

Painting, just an extension of drawing.  Sometimes I get in the mood, and other times blank canvases sit in the back of my closet just dreaming of their day in the sun.

Fashion design was another art-related interest.  I remember designing a horrific dress in collaboration with several friends during Mr. Mathias' math class one day in 7th grade.  He caught me with it and said, "Susan, if only your math was as good as your drawing... oh wait, it is."  I used to play with my Fashions by Me kit for hours and hours, making outfits from all kinds of gaudy material.

Later on, this gaudiness became a reality (for better or worse) in making costumes for my high school dance production shows.  The thought did cross my mind to go to FIDM after high school, but when I saw the price tag, I high-tailed it over to the local community college instead!


Speaking of dance, this one was a real life saver.  I was always so bad at P.E. in elementary school and junior high (awful hand-eye coordination and depth perception due to my bad eyesight and growing up not knowing whether I was really left- or right-handed), that when it came time to choose an athletics class for high school P.E., I saw Dance on the list and thought, "Well, at least it doesn't involve anyone throwing balls at you" and signed up for that.








I was hooked.  Here was the first time I was able to express myself in public (even though the audience probably had no clue what I was trying to communicate) without being shy and reserved.  I could use my budding seamstress skills, hairdressing, acting, and dancing and never once had to say a word to the audience.  My creativity was fully unleashed for the first time.  In fact, it ended up being my (first) college major, which later on shifted to English/Creative Writing, and then finally to Religious Studies (the B.A. I finally finished).

And lest I forget to mention, teaching is probably my most creative endeavor yet.  That one started way back when I was lining up all of our stuffed animals into a semicircle and teaching them things on an imaginary blackboard.

<-- MY FIRST STUDENTS, BERNARD AND TRIXIE

Later, in junior high and high school, I tutored some of my friends in math, but it wasn't until I was in my mid-20's that I finally realized this was my calling in life.  Now I've been in the classroom for 10 years and still feel that every day presents an opportunity (if not dozens) to use my creative and problem-solving abilities to the fullest.

From crafting interesting and provocative lessons to shifting your teaching angle on the spot when you see kids aren't getting it, and now, learning new ways to use technology in education, this is my ultimate love and challenge.

So there you have it!  The story of my creative life in a very large nutshell.  Hope you enjoyed coming along for the ride.  Now it's YOUR turn--what inspires you to create and what venues does your imagination come to life in?

The Nightmare Before Time Management

Based on the issues I raised in my last post, I decided to change a few of my challenges into goals. 

Goal #1: To prioritize my time in order to balance work, shop, recreation, and my many interests.

• Resources/Inspiration: http://ohioline.osu.edu/cd-fact/1006.html

Where does my time really go?

How would I like my time to be spent? (What are my priorities?)

So, what do I need to do differently?
1. Cut 12 hours from work.
2. Add 2 hours to working on shop merchandise, photos, updates.
3. Add 3 hours of exercise.
4. Add 3 hours to meditation.
5. Add 4 hours to relaxation/reading before bed.

That doesn’t seem soooo drastic, does it? Unfortunately, what that means is:

• I have to leave work by 4:00-4:30 every day, and am only allowed 3 hours of work from home (I just spent two hours grading and got through only three essays--help!!!  I need to get more efficient with my grading time!)
  

• Spend one hour per day on my shop or save it for one of the days of the weekend?  I think I will try to post an item or comment in the forums every morning and do the big stuff (taking pictures, etc.) on the weekends.

• Exercise after a long day at work 2-3 times a week, not just on the weekends. (I didn't even get to the gym today, because I'm suddenly sick again.  Hmmm, wonder if this time management thing was just too stressful for me to handle...?) 

• Reinstate my morning meditation on weekdays, whether in the bedroom or living room (already doing better on this one :))
  

• Get off the computer by 8:00 every night so I can read and relax before bed!

Yeesh, no wonder I don't like to think about this stuff.  Gives me a headache.  Well, okay, I already had one...

And that's only goal #1.  The others are:


Goal #2: Take the time to organize my things and clean up after each activity.

Goal #3: Don’t start new projects until I finish up the ones that are already out.

Goal #4: Be willing to learn by doing, instead of just by reading and doing book research about the topic (i.e. blogging, technology, shop stuff).

But I'll get to those in the next few posts!

After getting in some good meditation time yesterday and this morning, I realized this really isn't as big a deal as I'm making it.  Everything will work out in the end.  When I feel the urge to work on each thing, I will.  And it's okay if it isn't all done-- RIGHT NOW.

The Thinker Living in a Material World

This week’s assignment in my 52 Weeks of Blogging your Passion program is to write about an obstacle I’ve overcome in terms of my craft, shop, balancing time, or finding space for things.

I can think of many current obstacles, but one I have already overcome? That’s where I get stuck. I guess my accomplish- ments seem so small. I’ve already written about:

• learning how to knit and crochet when I was young

• how there are way too many yarn shops for me to have a lack of supplies or choice

• and opening my Etsy shop was super easy

No, the real issues are yet to be conquered. The first challenge is figuring and sorting them all out, which is what I will focus on in this post.

My current challenges are:

• Balancing time between work, shop, recreation, and my many interests (that crazy Google calendar!)
  

• Not enough space at home/Not making the time to organize things

• Starting many projects but not finishing them, so they sit around and clutter up the living room

• Wanting to research everything about everything, instead of actually DOING the things!

• I'm such a thinker and love the world of ideas, but struggle with getting those ideas out into the physical world

• And finally, there are so many others who make same/similar products out there, how do I compete for market share?

I always remember the words of my Buddhist meditation teacher when I ask him for advice, "Susan, you need to relax more deeply..." and I know that is the truest advice of all.

But, when I do have to face these kinds of issues, relaxing comes before (and while) taking action.  So, who out there has tackled similar issues?  What advice do you have for me?  I would love to hear it-- and Thanks!